i should be in bed. in fact, i should have been in bed about 2 hours ago - but probably wont make it there for another 2.
tonite's beeen a strange nite. i swear, if i didn't know better i'd think it was a full moon.
first the grrl and i have our tiff..then she came online and we resolved it..and i was feeling all empowered, so i decided to get some stuff off of my chest and write a big 'ol long nasty email to my ex...anyway, so i get about 40minutes into this epic of a mail, and who should appear on my ICQ list. well fuck me dead if i didn't almost fall off my chair - it was her.
so i stopped with the email...and sat there...waiting...and waiting...and waiting...until finally i get a
Linda (11:42 PM) :
hey dannii, how you doing?
ohmygod..my pulse rate sped up...my BP shot up to about 180/120...and i felt nauseous. it was my big chance - and all i could manage was a wimpy little
q u e e r c h i c k (11:42 PM) :
alright
alright?
alright??
after thinking evil shit about her for the last few weeks and all i can muster up was ALRIGHT??
man i felt like such a pussy..but it didn't take long before everything that had bottled up inside me over the last few months started spilling out..i told her how it was...i told her how i felt...i told her how i wish i'd never met her...and i told her how i never want anything to do with her again..
and while i must admit that a teeny tiny little part of me feels really cuntish for making another human being feel bad - the bigger part of me feels really relieved *accomplished sigh*..
actually...i think my 2 parts are on some kindd of see-saw...i've been sitting here...for 15minutes since i wrote that last bit..and now the greater part feels like a cunt. but i really do think that i needed to get what i said off my chest. not that i need to justify my actions to anyone out there..maybe i'm just a soft-cock and justifying them to myself..
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble