on sunday on our way back from churchill, the alternator in sam's car decided to die, which meant that she had a great reason not to go into work on monday...it also meant that she could stay home and spend the day with me...yay...and it was great *smiling* i don't think anyone's ever taken the day off of work to spend my birthday with me before...and even though she probably would have had the day off anyway coz of her car, it was really sweet. we spent most of the morning at home alternating between watching tv and me watching sam work (ok, so she had a little work to do), and then after the nice lube mobile bloke fixed her car we went out to ringwood and had the yummiest lunch. it was great, really great * still smiling* after lunch we went back to sam's parents place so that she could do a little more work, and instead of watching her work i chose to sleep instead...yeah i know, i have such a hard life! *chuckle*
mum didn't call me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday, so i'm guessing that she either forgot or she's pissed off at me for running back to melbourne yet again..i know that life's a little hard for her at the moment, and i hardly ever stick around long enough to help her, but she needs to start respecting the fact that i'm a adult and i have a life of my own. yeah that may sound as selfish as fuck, but right now all i want to do is be with sam and put a little time and effort into our relationship. through all of my past relationships my family and family problems have taken up a HUGE chucnk of my time. for the last 6 years (up until they finally moved to the valley) i have done countless trips to melbourne to help mum go shopping, take her to doctors and specialist appointments, babysit robert, go here with dad, do this, do that, do whatever..much to the annoyance of my partners. it's not that i mind helping out, but i just don't feel like i should drop everything for them anymore. again, i know that sounds selfish, but if being selfish is what it means to put me and my relationship with sam first, then that's what i'm going to have to do. i love my mum..i love my family..i don't mind helping them out - but they constantly depend on me for things that they shouldn't.
i think once i move out of home and in with sam things will be different. all the travelling and distance and trips from churchill to melbourne to churchill and back to melbourne are really taking their toll - buth physically and financially. it's costing us (especially sam) a fortune to keep on travelling and spending the weeks out at taylors lakes. and while neither of us really mind doing it (coz it means we're able to be together 90% of the time), it will be nice when we no longer have to travel.
i'm still a little scared about actually moving in with sam. not scared in a bad way, but more of a "i'm a bit scared coz i don't know what the future will hold" kind of way. to be honest, the thought of being with her every day and going to bed with her every nite and waking up wrapped around her every morning makes me smile like nothing else..but i'm just worried that she'll get sick of me or bored with me, or she'll hate having me around so much. i know it sounds silly, but it this real insecurity thing that i have...hmmmm
but for now, i gotta go into the city...
-dannii
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble