i don't know if i woke up because the light shone thru the window and burned my eyes..or if i felt guilty about the content of my dream..but either way i woke up feeling like an asshole.
what would i really do if linda asked me to get back with her??go back??
well...to be honest....i'd have to think long and hard about it.
for the last few months, whenever someone's asked me "would you ever get back with linda?", i've always been quik to shoot back a fast, firm "no"...but right now, i'm not so sure.
when linda and i broke up, it was the most devistating thing that i've ever had to deal with, but it also brought out strength that i never knew i had.. almost overnite my entire life came crashing down around me, and i had to somehow work my way out thru the rubble. but then i met the girl....and for the first time since the *breakup*, someone actually took my mind off linda. someone actually distracted me long enough to get me to think about them...instead of "her".
yes yes...the girl and i have been together just over 6 weeks now, and things are amazingly wonderful....they're fantastically great...great in ways that i never really expected.
i'll admit...when the girl and i first started dating, i thought "this could be fun"...but then over the weeks things really changed...and i fell in love with this woman who was so different from myself.
different
oh yes...there are differences.
not huge scary ones that make it terribly hard for us to be together.
just noticable ones that sometimes make it a little challenging.
but i'm always up for a challenge.
she is a scorpio.
i am an aquarius.
she's water.
i'm air.
she's intense and passionate.
i'm aloof and indifferent.
sometimes my indifference drives her crazy, as she can often mistake it for me not caring. but i do care. actually, i probably care alot more than i'm letting anyone know.
i adore her...she makes me feel how i haven't felt in a very very long time.
sometimes i wonder if my relationship was rushed. if maybe it wasn't too soon after my break up with linda to move on and fall in love with another woman. but then i'll be laying there in the girl's arms and i'll think that this should have come along sooner.
sometimes i compare the girl to linda, but it's really not intentional. it's just that for the last few years i've become so used to one woman's way of doing things, that it takes me a little bit to acknowledge that now someone else is doing it. but don't get me wrong - i never think "oh god i wish it was linda doing this"...but sometimes i think the girl worries that i'm still in love with linnie.
i do love linda. but not in *that* way.
yes, there was a while after the break up when i still loved linda very much, but now it's a very transformed kind of love.
i love her...but in that "oh-weve-shared-oh-so-much-and-you're-very-special-to-me" kinda way.
sometimes i think that the girl worries that i'm going to leave her and try and get back with linda, but that's so far from the truth.
yeah, there was a time when I would have dropped anything for a second chance with linnie...but now, it's very different.
i know what i had with linda. and while it was very special to me...i would never swap it for what i could have with the girl. i don't know what the future holds for samantha and i...and quite frankly, i don't wanna know. i wanna enjoy this ride until the very last stop.
~dannii
jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble