well my trip to melbourne today certainly was a whirlwind one..

within an hour of sam getting home from work, i had packed all of my (important) belongings and left..

this time wasn't like all the other times...this time i felt like i was finally doint the right thing..

sam has issues that are bigger than the both of us..and i feel that, until she sorts them out, she will never find happiness..

i do love her..that has never been an issue...i am just no longer preparred to deal with issues that are not mine. is that selfish?? probably..but it's what i feel i need to do..
sam and i stopped being *great* a long time ago..since then, we've simply been *challenged*..and i'm sick of challenges...i want love and lust and acceptance and passion and respect..i want all those things...and probably more...i used to want them from sam...i used to believe that if i waited long enough i would get them..
now i know that's not going to happen...at least not any time soon.
i dunno what sam thinks, but i think i've been a pretty good and accepting partner...i also think she's been pretty lucky to have me. i wrote ethat in an email to her today and of course she misconstrued it into me saying that no one else but me would want her, when that's not the case..i think i was just trying to make myself feel better..
she has this way of making me feel like i am the cunt who is at fault for everything...because, there's no way in hell she could be responsible. but the truth is we're 50/50 to blame..

today i totally wasn't expecting shit from her...not after my accident...not at all...i NEEDED to go back home to get my uni stuff for my assignments...if i'd have known how much trouble it was gonna cause i would have caught a train...but, i guess it's probably a good thing it happened the way it did..because now i really know that she's not willing to compromise...
but anyway..
i dont care..

i just wanna have fun..

lots of fun..



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