i'm in a strange mood today..dunno why..maybe i'm getting sick or having some kind of breakdown or something - but i'm definately not feeling myself..
this morning mum and sister had another fight. it seems to be a daily thing now...but it's not like they're fighting over anything worthwhile - they just seem to be picking on each other for whatever they can..and i think these fights are beginning to affect my moods..
this morning, i didn't want to go to uni for fear of what would happen here at home while i was gone. luckily mum had some doctors appointment to see about her festering fungal foot - which meant i could go to class knowing that mum and sister would be far enough away from each other to not cause any damage..
before i went to uni, sister told me
"see ya later - i'll be gone by the time you come home.."
..so i came home at one, only to find she was still here...just before i left for uni again at 2 - she gave me the same speil
"see ya later - i'll be gone by the time you come home.."
*esasperated sigh*
and wouldn't ya know, when i got home at 5 she was still fucking here!...i just want her to go back to melbourne and leave us alone. i know we are all a part of this family, and we've all been dealing with our own stuff since dad's death - but we also need to act like a family, and when's she here, she really doesn't like playing by our rules.
i know that mum can sometimes be a pain in the ass and drive us to drink - but she's also an amazing woman who's now trying to deal with a huge loss from her life - and for that, i really think that she needs to be given a little bit of le-way..yeah she whinges, and screams, and moans at times..but i'd much rather have that than have her doped off her nut on valuim or serapax - at least this way she's *alive*
for some reason, my sister doesn't understand that this might be mum's way of dealing with her loss...sister and i lost our father - but mum lost her lover, husband, soul-mate and best friend.
mum and dad met in june 1968, and were married 6 weeks later in august..they fell in love overnight, and almost all of their friends told them it wouldn't last - yet 34 years later, they were still going strong.
i used to watch my parents interact, and i was always amazed by the dynamics of their relationship. even my friends would comment about how they treated each other and how well they got along...
but my sister obviously doesn't realise this. she just thinks of mum as *our mother*...she doesn't think of mum as the woman who just lost a huge part of her life..
i know how fucked up i would be if i lost the grrl after only 9 months - i can't possible concieve how shattered i would be after 35 years...shattered isn't even a strong enough of a word...
but now i'm babbling - and severely off track from where i thought that this entry was going to head..
oh well..
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble