man, it never fucking ends..never ever ever...i think that, once my sister goes back to melbourne, if i don't see her again until christmas then even that will be too soon.
sister and mum are still fighting..well..they're not really fighting, but they're being far from civil to one another...
so before, mum was on the couch and i thought she was watching tv, but when i looked up she was actually crying..i just thought that she was letting out some emotion about dad, but when she asked me if i'd spoken to sister.
i said "no, why do you ask?"
and then she told me..
earlier on, when the grief counsellor was here, nicky screamed at them mum (in front of her counsellor)
"i wish it was you who'd died and not dad"
fuck if i had have been here i would have knocked her on her ass in a second..
how could she say that to anyone - let alone her own mother??
i know that at the moment both mum and sister are struggling with their own demons - but at the moment, they should be joining forces and working through them as a team, rather than taking opposite side and slinging as much shit as they can at each other..it's fucked...it's truely fucked
before, sister started talking to me about wanting more visitation rights with robbie..she was droning on and on and on about it, and about how she'll take mum to court if she had to - and all i could think of is "are you human???"..not only that, but i really do believe that, deep down, sister won't be happy until she pulls what little is left of this family apart.
when dad was here, i never really thought of him as too huge of a part of this klan..but now that he's gone, it's obvious that he really was the glue that held us all together. i don't really know what i think deep don about the afterlife - but if dad's spirit is hanging around the house, and he's seeing all of what's going on between us - he'd be furious..absolutely fucking furious..
ahh...i dunno...i know it's early days and we're all only still coming to terms with his death...but at the moment, i really can't see any light at the end of the tunnel..i can't see my sister waking up to herself and realising that there are more people than her out there with problems.
but anyway...i think i'm going to do something totally out of the ordinary for me - i'm gonna go and get myself into bed before 11.
g'nite
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble