i dont know why i act the way or do...or think the things i do...or say the things i do..
i dont know what compels me to be so mean...and nasty...and hurtful...
i dont know why i'm feeling all this awful shit at the momen..
all i know is that i am going throug something...and it's really fucking with my head..

i don't know what's going on between the grrl and i...i just know i dont want things to continue in the direction that they are heading...which i not the best path to be on..

i do love her..and she has grown to be my best friend...but in the words of someone that is truely ungrateful and self-centered - "i want more than that"...

i know that after a few years (most) reltaionships lose that original spark that set things alight...even i'm not so naive or romantic to believe that that flame burns strong forever...but i do not believe that it should go out completely.
i love sammie..god knows i do...but sometimes i think i love her more than a mate than as a partner...and that scares me...because i dont want to just love her as a friend..

i know it's both of us that have our issues ,though...this isn't just about "me being sick of sam"...it's about me also being sic of myself and how i'm partly responsible for letting a pretty bloody good relationship become so stagnant..

she emailed me before telling me not to go to the house and that she will send my stuff to me..but i do want to go backso that we can talk...
discussing this kind of stuff over email and sms isn't really the best way to do it - even for a chicken like myself..

so i should go, pack up, and go salvage a good friendship..



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