you can always tell whether or not i'm writing from mum's or at home with the grrl by looking at the time of the entry..

any entry made after 9pm is pretty much a given that it's been written from mum's...because the grrl and i are usually safe and soundly wrapped around each other in bed at that time...and when i'm at mums, i usually don't go to bed until i'm on the verge of unconsciousness because i really truely hate crawling into that big, warm bed of mine without her..*sigh*..

the grrl and i have been having the most amazing time together lately...in fact, i'm actually going to take the chance of jinxing myself by saying that it's all simply perfect..
well..maybe it's almost simply perfect...afterall, if it were truely perfect i would be home in boronia wrapped around her...instead of being here..sitting in a dark and dreary lounge room with only the clicking of my keyboard to keep me company..

it's funny how when i'm at home with her, i could quiet easily go to bed and nod off in her arms as early as 9pm...and not stir again until 12 hours later...but here, at mums, i don't go to bed until i totally have to...and i'm out of bed as soon as my eyes register sunlight..although, there really is no reason in lounging in my bed if sam isn't in it..

the grrl told me today that she's sick of "not having a real relationship"..at first i was a little hurt and shocked...but then she clarified that she didn't mean that what we have isn't real, but rather than all of those around us (particularly our families) don't treat what we have as being *real*...and my mother, would have to be the worst offender...
i love my mum...i really do...and i've been very lucky in the sense that i don't get any grief for being queer..but unfortunately i don't get any respect for being in a relationship, either...or rather, she doesn't respect what i have with the grrl at all...and that's frustrating..
i'm 25 years old..and ok, i live at my mum's house part time...but my mother expects me to be here 7 days a week "just in case" someone needs me...she thinks that her needs should be a priority...and that what i have with sam "can wait"...
hell..if i were straight..and married...with a family of my own, there's no way in hell that my mother would expect me to do even 1/8th of the shit she does - afterall, where are my sisters when mum needs someone to take her shopping?? i don't see either of them driving in 2 hours from melbourne just to push mum around a supermarket.
don't get me wrong - i dont mind helping her out...but i do mind it when i feel that she thinks that my life with sam comes second to everything that she wants..

i love my mum..

but i also love my grrl...i love her more than i've ever loved another living breating creature...and i want to share the rest of life with her...

when i came home tonite...i was all set to talk to my mum about how i'm feeling at the moment, but the time just dind't seem to feel right...i do want to talk to her, though...because i'm worried that next year when i'm working 8 shifts a fortnight down here, mum will give me grief when i spend the other 6 with the grrl...
because i will be spending them with the grrl...no matter what..
for the last 2 years the grrl and i have done the long distance thing..and i must admit - i'm not really looking forward to another year of it...but i do know, that deep down this next year will be good for us...allowing us both to concentrate on our work for a year, and to save up to go overseas together...but i am worried that any added demands from my mother will put extra strain on the grrl and i. and i don't want that at all.
for the last few weeks, everything with sam and i has just been so perfect...these last 2 weeks especially...i dunno...it feels as if that lil grey cloud that was always looming in the distance has gone..and now everything is just right..

anyway...it's late (or is it early??).. and i'm babbling..



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