i was planning on heading back to the valley today to go into uni and finish up my assignment and hand it in..but i figured it wasn't too smart for me to go driving all that way on grand final weekend just KNOWING that i'd have a blood alcohol reading above zero..
so yeah...i will be finishing my assignment off here today, and then either go on a road trip tomorrow, or just be a lazy lil bitch and mail it back to uni tomorrow..

alison, rachel and i went out last nite and we met up with amy. the grrl decided to stay home cuz she was tired from a long week at work...but i wanted to go out and hang with my mates. normally i don't drink too much when i go out (especially when the grrrl's not with me - cuz i get all flirty and randy *L*)..but i knew i was in good hands and surrounded by mates so it was safe..
it was a good nite out...and just a pity that the grrl didn't come...she never seems to be around when i'm at my most relaxed...which is a shame...cuz i'm kinda a fun person when i'm a drunken-happy-relaxed fool..

speaking of the grrl..

she's terribly insecure at the moment...and me being the insensitive lil cunt that i am - i have absolutely no idea how to deal with it.
turns out, that she didn't really want me to go out last nite, but she didn't have the heart to tell me. it also turns out that she went into work late this morning (yes, my woman works 7 days a week!) to spent some quality time with me..but i just kept right on snoozing and snoring. she did try to get my attention my softly brushing my nose while i slept - but i growled at her and rolled over..which really wasn't the response she was hoping for.
anyway, about 10minutes before she did decide to leave for work, she asked me if i still loved her..*sigh*.
i have been getting quite a few questions along these lines lately "do you still love me".."why do you stay with me"..."do you ever think of being with other people"...and with the exception of question #3, i have no idea where these questions are coming from, or even how to answer them in the reassuring way that i want to..
of course i love her..
i would not have waded my way through the thigh-high shit of june/july if i did not love her..nor would i stay here..
contrary to popular belief, i dont simply stay here because i like the house, or enjoy lazing around watching her big-ass tv...but rather because i love my grrland this is our home and this is where i belong...
i just wish i knew of a way to say that to my grrl and actually make her believe it.
sometimes i worry that she thinks i only stay here with her out of loyalty or pity or other equally pathetic reason...*sigh* worry that she dwells on this mis-truth and get's all paranoid and truely i am only here because i "have no where better to be"...
i also worry that these little insecurites will snowball for her...

i love my grrl..
god knows i do..
but, and i'm the first to admit this, i am not the perfect partner, and sometimes i am too damn insensitive..

i got my daily horoscope emailed to me yesterday..and yes, typical of yahoo - it's a day late..
"Working late, dear Aquarius? Today? What can possibly be so important that it keeps you from paying attention to your family or your partner? Probably nothing! Take a good look at what you think must be done tonight and view it objectively. You'll probably find that your company won't go broke if you leave it. Get as much done as you can, then go home to your loved ones. They are important too, after all!"
i shouldn't have gone out last nite...not with alison...and not knowing that my grrl is feeling a lil insecure and unloved..
sometimes i really dont know why she puts up with me..

ending music: 'on my mind' - powderfinger

0 comment so far..