so my quiet nite last night curled up with the grrl didn't happen..
yesterday, after sending her a few emails telling her about how much i was looking forward to just one night with her, i thought i would have at least gotten that much..
but no..
those plans rolled over and died when i got an sms telling me "i've gone out for a few drinks..will be home by ten"..
that's fair enough, i thought..but after calling at 10 to find out that she hadn't even left wherever in the hell she was, i thought fuck it, i'm going out to play with my mates, too..
so i went to visit alison and rachel..i had an awsome night...and crawled in home sometime before 5am..
i think the grrl is wondering why i am angry with her and not speaking...
if she needs to wonder about that, then i should be really concerned..
she asked me last night "aren't i entitled to go out for a night and unwind with my friends??"..
sure she is...but i'd hoped that it wouldn't be at the expense of our night together..
last night would have been our first real night curled up together for a little while...but obviously i was the only one who was interested in that..
i probably seem like a complete ogre..and who knows, maybe i am. i also sometimes think i have a slight neurotransmitter imbalance..
in some instances, especially ones like these, where my partner seems more interested in others than she is in me, then sure i'm going to get wounded.
i'm going to sulk
then i'm going to get angry
amd then, right at the end, i reach ambivalence.
i'm almost at ambivalence now..
i almost dont give a fuck about anything she does..
one of my biggest character flaws (which is what i think it is) is the lightening speed at which i get over things that hurt me. it's a defence mechanism.
but anyway...i must be so fucking boring waffling on about all this shit.
there'll be another entry later, i'm sure..
ending music:
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble