fuck it's been a long day....long cuz it started so terribly, and long coz it's been so slack.
it was just after 9:30am when i finally made it to the ward. i worked for an hour, then had morning tea...then i worked for another hour then took an early lunch. straight after lunch all us students had a meeting with jo (lecturer chick), and then we went straight to a boring-ass venipuncture inservice...
yes boys and grrls...it sucked...
but i'm home now...and contemplating crawling into bed.
i found an SMS on my phone when i got home...it was from the grrl, suggesting that i go back to the valley for the weekend to see mum and pog.
my issue this morning was not in any way about my family..i don't miss them (well, i miss pog)...and i certainly don't want to go back there...
my issue is i want more time and attention from her, so i really dont see how my heading away for 2 nights without her would solve that.
sometimes the grrl gets something in to her head and runs with it...(i guess i do, too)..she's hung up on that stupid email i sent her saying how i was stupid to choose her over my family (said in the heat of the moment, and my only intention was to hurt)...i shouldn't have said it, because i didn't mean it...but i knew it would hurt her deeply.
i am a cunt like that sometimes..
although most of the time i am loving and as nice as pie, there are times when i have moments of pure evil..and i even shock myself with the awful horrid things that i do or say.
although i'm not physically violent (and never would be), i have a stinging bite that can cut quite deep..
yes i am annoyed that the grrl and i don't ever seem to have any time together...yes i was hurt last nite that she was practically ignoring me...yes i got pissed this morning cuz she didn't even take 10minutes out of her day to ask me what was up...but i know i'm also tired, grumpy, and edgy cuz i'm unhappy with clinicals.
i did this to her last time i was at monash..
but it's not just that i'm using our relationship as an excuse to be hostile - it's a mixture of the 2.
and last nite, was just the climax..the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back..
i need to learn how to express myself better...and the grrl needs to learn when i'm crying for some attention..and we both need to find some sort of middle-ground.
i've never been able to express myself properly...i've always been emotionally retarded - so it's nothing new...but at least i'm consistent..
btw - i got my clinical assessment assignment back...got a HD (80%) which isn't bad considering how little time i put in it. so my overall nursing mark will be somewhere around the 75% area...so yeah...a distinction..i'm pretty happy with that
ending music: "welcome to" - ani difranco
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble