there are times, where i just want to be left alone..

it's not a negative thing...i do not want to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world..but rather, i want to be left up to my own devices to do my thing, my way..i want to get up..go to work..come home..and relax. and if somewhere in between all of that i want to be sociable or interact with others, then i will do so..but if not, i wont.
i am a terribly ignorant creature..
i truely am..
i think i could easily spend the rest of my life on a desert island..with just me and my thoughts..because i love nothing more than retreating into my own head..hiding out in my thoughts...

and while i understand that not all people understand why i would want to be left alone and on my own, i expect that they would respect it. it's not often i get in these moods...and when they happen there is a very good chance that they can last for weeks....because that's what happened the last time. and i appreciate that there are people out there that care about me and feel that the need to help me..but i do not need help.

some people out there think that i am sad..they think because i am still single and won't let anyone else into my heart, that something must be wrong and i must be sad...that i am holding myself back and not living life to it's fullest..but i'm not..
i love my life..
i love where i am at..
i love my job and the people i work with...
i know how to love and i know how to live and if truth be told, it offends me when people hint that it might be otherwise.
just because i do not want to run out and bag myself a girlfriend and live the rest of my days in someone else's pocket does not make me a sad person that's only living half a life..in fact, at the moment, i think it's the exact opposite.
sure i work too much..and my work really doesn't leave my room for anything else..but through my work i have met some great people..fantastic freaks that i spend my days with..that i have lunch with..and go to the pub with...that i lounge around and watch dvd's with. sure i may not go out and party like i used to..i may not screw anything that gave me 5minutes of their attention...but i am doing what I want to do and it is fulfilling..

i love my life..

i love my own company..

and just because i want to retreat into my head for weeks on end does not mean i am sad and pathetic...but rather, think of it as me spending time with someone that understands me the most...spending time with someone that i love spending time with...
me

now that i've said that...i'm going to bed...
i've had a hella long day..and to come home and have to think about others is just way to much..
someone told me tonight that i need to stop thinking of others, and just focus on myself..well..i am...i always am thinking of myself...even if it seems that i have the interests of others in my mind, upon closer inspection you will see that it's really me i'm thinking about..what's best for me..
and this..all of this..my life..my world...it's all what is right for ME..

and i wouldn't want it any other way..



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