i keep on dreaming about sam...vile, evil, spiteful, violent kinda dreams - and they're totally fucking with my head..
i'm seriously waking up horrified in cold sweats..
now that she's out of my life i can not understand why she wont fuck off from my head, either..because she is not welcome there..not anymore.
i used to dream lotsa about linnie after we broke up..hell...i still do..but they weren't as bad as these dreams. i know that i have a lot of anger and hate towards sam. but not because we broke up - more because she is a fucking psycho that fucked me around, toyed with my heart, and treated me like shit for so long.

the other day, when alison and i went to her house to collect her things..i got the feeling that i may just have ruined her day..and when i got back to morwell, i went to linnies for coffee, and i actually felt good about ruining her day..which is a change...considering i normally freak out and feel guilty and what not...heh...but yeah...i just wish the dreams would go away...because there are much more fun things i would rather have running through my head as i sleep - and i can assure ya'll none of those things have anything to do with her..

but enough of that..

so i'm working heaps at the moment..which really isn't leaving me much time to do anything..but i kinda dont mind, because i love my work (things at the hospital are awsome now that i'm on medical ward..and well the prison is the prison and i'm so happy there)...but...it's making it almost impossible to go and spend any time with the chick from northern vic. not to start a relationship or anything like that..but just to hang out and get to know her. because, i know, i am soooooo not ready for another relationship (especially a long distance one)..at least not for a little while longer...but yeah...i dunno...i feel kinda bad cuz i know she's just dying to come down here and spend some time with me...but i have no time to share - at least not for the next month. but yeah...who knows...

well it's ranbow room this upcoming weekend *yay* and alison and rach are coming down and we're all gonna have a few drinks, a few laughs, and perve (not that there's much to perve on down here *L*)...those 2 are great...and spending time with them always makes my day. i was going to have to go to work the morning after, but i managed to sweet-talk another grad into swapping with me so now i can at least have a big one. i'm not sure if linnie and nene are gonna go, but i hope they do...they always make it fun...speaking of fun...i saw kater the other day for the first time since hardly speaking at the ani concert, and she was pretty cool...i didn't get to speak to her about why i had my little tantrum, but part of me thinks she may actually know...anyway, i figured some things are better left unsaid. i also went around to her place last nite to pick up some dvd's she had borrowed..and she wanted to me go in and have a yak, but well...i dont feel entirely comfortable around ants so i figured i'd just grab my dvd's and leave. and avoidance tactic to keep the peace, really..



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