i'm heading back to melbourne tomorrow...to spend a few days with her..and although i'm excited...i'm also a little...apprehensive..

i don't know what to expect..

i don't want to assume that everything is perfect, and have it all fall apart again...
i also don't want to relax too much...because i have a feeling that..well..i'm not going to say it because it'll jinx me.

but yeah..

but i'm scared.

throughout the week, the grrl and i have exchanged hundreds of emails..a few sms's and a couple of phonecalls. some have been uplifting and hopeful..and some have been..well...kinda emotionless. so i never know what to expect. although, last nite she called me "honey in an sms, and tonite she did call me up just for the hell of it. and i must admit, it made me feel fantastic. but tonite, before she went to bed, she sent me a rather flat sms message, about how she needs to "unwind", and she left it at that.
i'm worried about her.
very worried..
but i don't want to ask..
i don't want to seem like i'm overly concerned..
or like i care too much..
because i don't want her to feel as if i'm expecting anything..

i think i'm just paranoid sometimes...like...the'll say or do one little thing that doesn't seem right, and i'll let it fester and turn into something bigger than it is. i'm normally not like that..which is what makes it so frustrating.


so today at uni i had to meet with my old nursing lecturer. she wanted to talk to me about my performance on my last clinical placement. i was a litle paranoid that she was gonna chew my ass out for not being as focused as i should have...but thankfully, she praised my performance. although, one thing she did want to point out and have me "work on" before my next clinical was my "natural arrogance"...she told me that i'm a very formidable character...who can be quite intimidating...and my "in-ya-face" approach can be mistaken for cockyness and arrogance...
sheesh..
and here i thought i was perfect!*L*..

but anyway...i've just wound down and should go to bed..



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