as we all know, my star sign gets emailed to me, only it doesn't arrive until the day after it's supposed to be relevant..

today's installment (mean't for yesterday) tells me
"The day ahead should be excellent. You've been searching for meaning behind recent events in your life. No doubt, there have been a lot of changes both on the job and at home. And you are bursting with new ambitions. Today, dear Aquarius, you're likely to put all these new experiences into a mixing bowl, stir them up and be grateful for the thrilling life you are leading right now! You may not have any specific answers, but sometimes feeling grateful is an answer all its own."

i have been searching for some meaning these last few weeks...but i am feeling that it wont be for a few more weeks before i find anything even remotely meaningful..
*sighs*..

i sms'd the grrl before..telling her i will come down on wednesday to pick up the rest of my belongings...all she wanted to know was "who will be with you?"..
no "don't go"
no "please let's leave it a little bit longer"..
no nothing but "who will be with you"..

i don't know why i cling on to some ridiculous fucking hope that she'll tell me she's willing to give us another go, because i know she's much too busy and selfish for that..
and i think, also, deep within myself, even if i wanted to go back, i probably wouldn't as i'm refusing to compromise myself any more than i already have..

i think i need to go out and fuck someone to take my mind off her...because, i know once i do that, i can't go back ever..





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