*yawn*

i'm sooooo tired...really i am....soooo tired that i can barely keep my eyes open, but obviouslt not tired enough to crawl into that big empty bed alone..

yes yes...i've only been away from melbourne 14hours, and already i'm counting down the hours until i'm back with my baby..

*sigh*..

so i'm watching "sex in the city", and it's the one where the guy who miranda meets at weight watchers goes down on her, and she freaks out when he kisses her as soon as he comes up...hahaha...
"miranda went out with an over-eater and he over ate her"

i guess you had to see it..

anyway...
for some reason, sex has been the ONLY thing on my mind lately, and i have no idea where it's stemming from...

for my entire stay in broken hill, i was so fucking horny that it really wasn't funny...really..
i'm talking
totally unable to construct one single thought that didn't have anything at all to do with sex...

and considering all that alison and i talked about on the way home was *Sex*, i'm surprised that i made it back to victoria without stuffing my hand down my pants...

only problem is, once i got home, and got within 5feet of the grrl, i couldn't do anything but kiss and hug her...even though there was a hell of a lot more that i had on my mind..

i dunno what my deal with sex is at the moment...other than i feel really inexperienced and insecure at the moment..
really..
i feel like a fumbling 15 year old who wouldn't know what to do with a grrl if it sat on her face..(no pun intended)..and it's starting to get to me...

why, oh why do i have these rollercoaster-type issues with sex?? and why is it so hard for me to just push the grrl down on the bed and just fuck her senseless...i mean...it's not like it's something that i've never ever done before..*sigh*..

there was a time, when going down on a woman was an natural to me as breathing...it was something that i never felt conscious about doing, and certainly not something that i ever hesitated about. in fact, i'm the grrl that all my mates pick on because i'd go down on a person before i'd kiss them...
but these days, i just feel really *strange* about it..
and i know that i'm dwelling on this topic, but really, if you knew me, and my thoughts on *giving*, you'd understand why i'm so stressed about it..

really..the grrl and i have a pretty healthy sex life...considering we've been together almost 2 years and we still have those electric sparks...but for about the last 10 months, almost every time that sam and i have had sex, it's been about her pleasing me...her going down on me..her fucking ME..and as much as i enjoy all the attention...i know she's gotta be getting bored with it...and i certainly don't blame her...but....ahhh i dunno...

who'd have thought that something as natural and enjoyable as sex would be soooo bloody complicated for me...



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