normally i wouldn't find myself listening to this kinda 80's crap - but due to a new ad on tv i've found myself associating this song with the grrl..and right now, the grrl is the only think on my mind.
we came back down here (to churchill) on saturday morning to spend some time with my mum, and to spend a bit of *quiet time* together - well, again, those plans rolled over and died *sigh*..basically, to cut a long story short - last nite i was a selfish little cunt, and as a result, the grrl and i fought...and fought...and fought some more...it was awful - but for some reason i really couldn't do anythng to make it easier. instead of being the nice loving girlfriend that i should be - i got into *cunt* mode and stayed there...until it was too late and i'd said nasty thigs and upset her. and that just baffles me - because the one person on the planet that i would never want to hurt, is sam.
i've lost a parent..which is pretty traumatic by anyone's standards - but i really could not fathom (nor do i even want to think about it) not having the grrl in my life. she is the most amazing person that i've ever met. she's just so special - and in turn, she makes me feel special.
so just as we were wrapping up our little *tiff*, she asked me "wouldn't your life just be easier if i weren't in it?" man - i've felt some pain before, but i don't think anything has ever come close to hearing the one person that i love most in the world say those words..instantly my chest tightened..i felt as if i was being choked..and the the tears came..boy did they come..all i could manage to do was curl up in a ball and cry like a baby..i felt like such a moron - but i think it conveyed my thoughts..no, i would not be better, - in any way shape, or form - without sam in my life...blah *shaking my head* i don't even want to think about it anymore..
so earlier on today we took rob along to the movies with us..he's been waiting to see blade2 for a few months now, so the grrl thought she'd be a sweety and offer to bring him along. normally i don't like going to the movies with him (if he's not walking, he's walking around the cinema), but today he was pretty good. thankfully i was a gory enough show to keep him entertained. i just wish it had have gone for longer - because the longer the movie had have gone for, the longer i would have been able to sit next to sam..
normally, it's me leaving her in melbourne to come up here - but today it just felt so much worse with her leaving me up here to head back to melbourne. i hate us having to part at the best of times, letalone just after we've had *words*..
but thankfully i don't have a science lab or ethics tutorial this week - which means i can head off back to melbourne on wednesday and spend the following 5 nights wrapped around her.
god i can't wait for that..
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jul 2 - fuckers
jun 13 - bored
may 11 - GAMSAT
april 20 - adios
apr 13 - babble